An alternative to marriage
Marriage sucks on two levels. Firstly, you’re essentially making a 50% bet on losing half your stuff, as well as sometimes your kids, home and dog. Secondly, it is enforced monogamy. You are together because the law says so, which is good if you want to be, not so good if you don’t.
“So? If it sucks you can get a divorce!” one might say; but given that most men get married with a view to raising a family, it would be irresponsible to risk fucking up your kids because you no longer like your partner. Children thrive best in a nuclear family with two parents.
Frost writes on how to mitigate the first problem, through choosing “the right woman“. If you read that link you may be uncomfortable with the level of privacy invading and game playing. Doing things such as getting her passwords is twisted, but realise this is because the institution of marriage itself is twisted.
I hereby offer an alternative that avoids the risk of divorce rape, which in turn means you can trust your potential partner much more. My proposition also addresses the second, less talked about issue of enforced monogamy, so that those of us who like variety in our romantic lives have a chance to raise a family.
The Alternative
Both parties sign a contract with the following terms.
- Their romantic relationship is fundamentally unfenced. This means either partner is allowed to sleep with as many or as few other people as they want.
- However, the two partners are to cohabit, with the intention of having kids. Having a child with someone outside of the relationship would violate the contract and be grounds for divorce.
- Exercising you right to fuck other people is only allowed inside the residence of the couple if agreed upon by both partners (ie for swingers). Otherwise it is not allowed and is also grounds for divorce.
- Other grounds for divorce include abuse etc.
- In the event of a divorce, Only assets acquired after the start of the “marriage” are divided. What you had before remains yours.
That’s the basics of it. This allows two people to come together and create a family, without having to fuck the same person every day. If you are deeply in love you can chose to be monogamous or not, and if you fall out of love as time drags on, you can have other romantic relationships whilst still raising your kids together (and probably more amicably given the lack of sexual frustration).
In all honesty I doubt it will catch on, because you’d need to be ok with the thought of your partner having sex with someone else (but not in your house). Personally I’m fine with that, I like unfenced relationships. The hardest thing is gonna be finding a girl who I can convince this is a good idea, but by god I’ll try.
Holding Multiple, Contradictory Beliefs
A very overlooked game related skill is the ability to simultaneously hold two contradictory beliefs. (this is also a sign of schizophrenia but let’s ignore that for now). A perfect example of this is believing that you have significant control over your own life. Mark Mason writes:
There is a belief from which all other positive beliefs flow. This is the prime belief. This is the belief that you are responsible for what happens to you in your own life, no matter the external circumstances. The belief that regardless of the situation, our decisions are our responsibility.
It seems to be clear that a strong sense of control and responsibility for your own life leads to success, happiness and emotional health. The problem is that every day it is plain to see that most people are victims of circumstance who have very little control over the course their lives are taking. We can argue forever about whether that’s bad luck, or demonstrative of people apathetically rejecting the option to seize control of their lives; but it’s a pointless argument because if a resolution were ever to be found, that wouldn’t cause changes that would improve people’s live on a large scale.
Instead, we should just accept that both are true depending on application. Like how the laws of classical gravity break down on a quantum scale, the laws of statistics break down when applied to individuals.
Consider something like “the movement of smoke through air follows a predictable pattern”. This is true if you observe a cloud of smoke. They tend to behave in predictable ways. So predictable that convincing smoke special effects can be made in basic computer programs. So predictable that smoke signalling was one of the first forms of reliable long distance communication.
But when you observe the cloud of smoke more closely, you can see that each individual particle behaves entirely randomly. The aggregate sum of these entirely random movements, however, is very predictable.
The belief is both true and untrue, and the ability to hold a contradiction like this without experiencing cognitive dissonance is a difficult, but incredibly useful skill.
In my next post I’ll detail how to apply this contradictory (and stereotypically female) thinking to your personal life.
Mission Statement
This blog sucks ass. It is a cacophony of self indulgent, meaningless thoughts and has, for the last year, been a means for me to just talk about myself.
My own arrogance disgusts me. From now on, this blog will exclusively contain articles written to help improve your life in some way. Either via guide or demonstrative example. Yes I will still talk about myself, all bloggers are narcissists after all, but only in order to demonstrate a wider point.
I won’t lie, I’m not gonna be updating frequently. My band, education, social life and job all take precedence. But fuck it. I was on the verge of deleting it entirely. I had rationalised to myself that I had nothing left to add. In reality I was angry at myself because a girl LMR rejected me after reading my blog, then had the cheek to fall asleep next to me rather than getting the fuck out of my house.
I do however concede that this merely demonstrates the importance of having the highest possible personal value, to overcome mishaps like this. I bear no resentment to the girl in question.
This leads me to this posts title.
The mission of this blog is to teach young men how to get the most out of the world, by taking control of their own destinies and increasing their value as a person.
If you’re wondering, yes this means some people are worth more than others, but your personal worth changes according to how you use the tools god gave you: mind, body and willpower.
Those three things are all we really have, and are the only three things in life worth cultivating and taking seriously.
Everything else is just gravy.
10 Things You Didn’t Know About Dulst
G, Roosh and Matt Forney did it, I felt like joining in the fun.
- I’m in a band. Ok so you probably knew that already seeing as I mention it quite a lot on here. I’m the bass player/backing vocalist for an indie band based in Sussex. We write, record and perform all our own material, some of which is now available on itunes and spotify, as well as a few other digital music outlets.
- I hope to one day reveal my identity on this blog. But only when I’m financially secure enough to not need to work for someone. I don’t want a future employer to deny me a job because they’ve read this blog.
- I play blackjack and roulette online. I’m good enough at it that I only ever play with the free welcome bonuses. I’ve turned £5 into £60 in 3 hours over the past 3 days. Winning at online casinos has nothing to do with talent, and everything to do with playing with probability. There is a right and wrong move for every situation, winning is simply a case of learning these moves.
- I did tae kwon do for 4 years. In the end I got bored of it, but I still learnt a lot from it. Currently looking krav maga.
- I’ve been assaulted twice and mugged once. The one time I was sober and attacked, the TKD did actually help. My attackers ran off because I hit someone and split their eyebrow. The other two times didn’t go so well. The muggers had a blunt weapon (table leg) so I just gave them my phone, and the second time I was assaulted I was so drunk that I couldn’t see the person who was hitting me. These events all happened between the ages of 14 – 16.
- The single best piece of self improvement advice I ever got was standing up straight. I have not had anyone be violent to me since I learnt to carry myself properly. I strongly believe in teaching yourself correct body language – for example: we all smile when we’re happy, therefore it’s logical to conclude that smiling is a result of being happy. However, smiling when you’re in a bad mood can improve your mood, because your body concludes that you must be happy if you are smiling. The same logic applies to confident body language. Adopting confident body language naturally increases your confidence. As much as “fake it til you make it” is shitty advice when it comes to what you say and do, it is entirely valid for body language. (ref: 59 Seconds by Richard Wiseman).
- Most people are surprised to find out I smoke weed. This is because, to quote someone at my work, “you seem so together and walk around with such a purpose”. I don’t honestly think that weed affects your motivation, I think unmotivated people just use weed as an excuse to not get shit done.
- I was a stereotypical academic. But after starting uni I’ve gradually found the quest for further knowledge less and less rewarding. The most satisfying days work I’ve had in years was fitting smoke alarms in some rich folks house with my dad. Actually physically doing stuff uber alles.
- Currently at 19 I have never broken a bone. Yup.
- Historically, my happiness is inversely proportional to how much I worry about other people. The kicker is that worrying about other people makes them unhappy too. I don’t know entirely why this is, but I suspect that in most peoples lives my role is an emotionally detached but interesting outsider. I don’t have one, tight group of friends, instead I flit back and forth between groups, never being too deeply involved. This is not a conscious choice, but thankfully I like it this way.
The Worst Kind of People to Argue With
A lot of my friends disagree with me about how the world works. Be it on the difference between men and women, politics, psychology, philosophy, health and fitness etc. This isn’t a problem for me or them because we can accept our differences in opinion and move on. We don’t feel the need to make others agree with us beyond having a rational debate. The reason that these sometimes drastic diferences aren’t a problem is because there is a distinction between ourselves and our beliefs.
Anyone who’s done a bit of meditation will be familiar with the idea that you are not your thoughts, you merely observe and act on them. The same is true of ones opinions. It may seem obvious to say “you are not your beliefs, you merely observe and act upon them”, but in reality most people seem to think the opposite.
This is because what they believe is part of their identity. This means that when you criticise their point, it makes them uncomfortable because to them it feels like a personal attack. The result is that they won’t try and reach a rational conclusion in a debate, they will try only to win. They can’t let it go or agree to disagree because their whole identity is based around their beliefs being “right”, and to invalidate their beliefs is to invalidate them as people.
This problem pervades through all ideologies, from socialism to conservatism, from MRAs to feminists. Any topic over which there can be a disagreement (this is especially common in bodybuilding discussions for some reason) is victim to a certain, usually quite high, percentage of people who attach their beliefs to their identity, and thus take any criticism of their argument as a personal attack.
This is most common on University campuses, where young people rally behind causes left right and centre, and become so passionate about their cause that they become impossible to argue with. So how do you avoid these people?
Simple – if someone gets visibly angry, upset or aggressive in a debate, end the conversation. If they are taking rational argument as a personal attack, they aren’t adding value to the conversation, and neither are you.
More people need to realise this:
Every single one of your beliefs could be entirely wrong. You’re not mature enough to debate an issue until you accept that you could be wholly incorrect and your opponent could be completely right.
Imagine how different the comments on MRA and feminist sites would look if both parties accepted that they could be entirely wrong. That isn’t to say they lack faith in their beliefs, they can still be passionate, but people so arrogant that they can’t entertain the idea of being wrong need to fuck off.
By being aware of the potential invalidity of your beliefs forces you to separate them from your identity. This stops anger clouding your judgement and gives you permission to change your beliefs in light of new evidence.
Some people call U-turning weak and cowardly. I’d call it scientific.
N.B. It’s ironic how much our governments come under fire for U-turning when they are essentially responding to public demand. Apparently democracy is for pussies.
Lifestyle Report: August 2012
Last month I outlined my long term goals for this year. This LSR is to track my progress and set sub goals and mini projects to aid in progress.
Sleep
Most drastic improvement this month came from G Manifesto. His hangover cure is popping a multivitamin before bed. I decided to try this as a counter to early morning grogginess, suffice to say it works very well. Combined with a zinc tablet makes for a very good nights sleep and a good mood in the morning. Progress brah.
Work
No progress on work related goals, because I’ve been to busy doing actual paid work. The change I’m testing this month is not allowing myself to do any “leisure activities” apart from sex until after 6pm.
Read
Nearly finished 4 Hour Body.
Money
Slowly but surely I’m chipping away at my overdraft. I’m currently looking into freelancing as well as using wizpert. Once I’m out of debt I’m gonna begin a project in affilate marketing. More info on this to come.
Health
Convict Conditioning begins this month. I’m doing this first because it should aid in progress to other fitness goals. My other project is gonna be eating 4 meals a day rather than 2, and taking protein shakes.
Sex
1 new bang. My project for this (which will probably take more than 2 months, given how I don’t go out much) is to do 100 approaches. Social circle lays count towards my goal of 12 more girls, but don’t count as an approach. Only girls I’ve never met will count as an approach.
Write
Massively neglected. I aim to work upwards so the aim for this month is to write for just 20 minutes a day.
Fuck Tumblr
I don’t like tracking progress on tumblr so I’m deleting mine. As far as goals etc, I’ll be setting myself monthly goals of what I’m aiming to achieve, and reporting on progress exclusively in my monthly lifestyle reports.
Posting will be less frequent because I’m working, smoking and fucking my way through summer.
See y’all on the other side!
Sex 3.0 Review
Sex 3.0 is a book by JJ Roberts, and has an accompanying website: sexthreepointzero.com.
The book describes how sex has changed throughout human history, starting with sex 1.0 with only unfenced relationships (200000 years ago until 10000 years ago), then leading to sex 2.0 with the invention of agriculture – leading humans to settle in one location rather than being nomadic, which then led to the near death of unfenced relationships and the rise of fenced relationships (10000 years ago until present day). Roberts argues that sex 2.0 is no longer relevant because it goes against what is natural for humans, and because all of it’s benefits have been overridden by social and technological progress.
His proposed way forward is sex 3.0, a model in which people have the choice between fenced and unfenced relationships. The choice isn’t the critical point though, Roberts addresses issues such as jealousy an possessiveness, “relationship duress” (I bet a lot of manospherians suffer from this), as well as evolutionary theory and the conflict of interests between male and female genetic imperatives.
My verdict – everyone should read this book. Not because I think everyone should be in unfenced relationships, but because it changes your mentality about sex and relationships. Roberts highlights people who consistently fail in relationships (ie most people). Whereas a typical game author would tell you to work on your relationship game, Roberts calls the very model of relationships into question. Arguing that most people suffer from “mapping errors” and that a change in mentality will offer better results for most people. I think he is right. Although game guides can get you laid, they don’t normally cover long term sexual fulfilment. This void has been filled by Sex 3.0.
My only criticisms of the book are that there are a few typos, and that the author tends to repeat himself for a bit. I did buy the book when it first came out so these issues may or may not have been addressed in the current edition. I also think that Roberts makes it sound easier to get rid of jealousy and possessiveness than it actually is. I managed, but I’m more emotionally detached from life than most people I know. Either way, read it for the information because it will have a profound impact on the way you view sex and relationships. The book is very well researched and you can tell that Roberts’ knowledge extends far beyond what is included in the book.
People Have Idiotic Reactions to Cheating
I don’t do fenced relationships, and am therefore not capable of cheating or being cheated on. I do however believe that cheating within the framework a fenced relationship is wrong. That said, the only wrong part is the dishonesty; the actual act of having sex with someone else is not morally wrong in and of itself – because humans are not each other’s sexual property.
Whatever, if you know me or read this blog much then you’ll be familiar with my slightly abnormal sense of right and wrong – this is not a philosophical post.
This is a post about how people who get cheated on are, by and large, idiots when it comes to reacting to and dealing with infidelity.
First lets examine the typical reactions of men and women.
Men
She’s a cum guzzling slut for cheating on me, she is clearly psychologically deficient. He is evil for stealing my girl from me.
Women
What does she have that I don’t? I can’t believe he chose her over me. She is a filthy slut for stealing him from me.
Bad vibes all round.
Anger and sadness aside, these typical reactions demonstrate a complete lack of understanding of infidelity, its likelihood and its causes (which differ massively based on gender).
Why do people cheat?
Men are naturally polygamous, women are naturally hypergamous (people who claim to be naturally monogamous should consider the difference between “moral”, “natural” and “normal”). This means that when a man cheats he is fundamentally seeking a new experience.
Men cheat when they have a high enough desire for a new partner*. The desire can be increased by sudden increase in the number of sexual options available, and/or by the woman becoming unattractive or withholding sex.
Yes, women who “punish” their boyfriends by withholding sex are practically asking to be cheated on.
The crucial point, though, is that unless the woman is completely not worth being with, the man will stay with her while his affair continues on the side. This is where the idea of a mistress or concubine originates from.
In contrast, women cheat when they find a better partner than their current one*. Their desire to cheat derives from an increase in the quality of their sexual options, and is further boosted by the man DLVing over the long term.
A woman having an affair is ready to leave her partner. While women and men both can love one (or more) person(s) while sleeping with many – a woman who specifically cheats on her partner, ie commits and act of grave dishonesty and violates the implied sexual ownership of a fenced relationship, no longer loves her partner and is ready to move on.
When men are caught they end the affair – when women are caught they end the relationship.
This difference is the root of people’s dumb reactions to cheating.
As with many things of a sexual nature, people love to project their own thoughts and feelings on to other people.
- Men call the women who cheat on them sluts because they project their desire for sexual variety and novelty onto women.
- Women think that the mistress has been “chosen over” them because they project their own hypergamy onto men.
So how do we solve this? Unfortunately there is no system for it, just the cold hard truth.
Men
If you get cheated on, it means you weren’t good enough. A better man came along, or at least a man who offered something you couldn’t. If you catch her, your relationship is over.
Women
If you get cheated on, it means that you alone cannot fulfil the man’s sexual appetite. This isn’t just frequency of sex, different women are different in bed. Your likelihood of getting cheated on depends on your bedroom skills vs the mans desire for variety. If you catch him your relationship can continue, if you forgive him.
Men & Women
Cheating is a consequence of people’s natural sexual urges, and despite all that I’ve just said – circumstances change. A woman may think a man has higher value than her husband until she sleeps with him, then realising that she should have stuck with her first choice. Similarly a man can overestimate his own desire for variety and realise that his wife was more than enough. Either way, people make mistakes.
Over 30 years of marriage, the likelihood of infidelity by at least one partner tends towards 90%, also people who have cheated on one or more partners are more likely to cheat in general.
Some would say that information like this demonstrates that people need to learn to forgive and forget. Personally I think it shows that the way the majority of people conduct their love lives is flawed, but rather than try a different approach the majority just keep flogging a dead horse in the vain hope that “maturity” will iron out the sexual urges ingrained by millions of years of evolution.
People sometimes call me weird for not minding that my partners have sex with other people (although not all of them do – more evidence for hypergamy vs polygamy theory). The irony is that many of these people have probably been cheated on numerous times without even realising it.
* providing there is mutual interest, good logistics and a low – medium chance of getting caught.
Lifestyle Report: July 2012
I’m gonna change.
This is a goal setting lifestyle report. I’m setting long term concrete goals for my 7 beneficial habits, to be achieved by a year from now. I aim to reach these goals by implementing specific behaviours for a trial period, then continuing them if they work for me.
Here are my goals for each of the 7 beneficial habits, to be achieved by July 11th 2013
Sleep
- Get up by 7:30 normally, 11:30 after nights out.
My plan for this simple – got to bed progressively earlier over time, nap and meditate.
Work (non paid work and GTD)
- Get a first (>70%) in my second year of uni.
- Get blog to 2000 unique visits per day.
- Play 50 shows.
- Release another EP.
- Play a show supporting a famous band.
Gonna have to turn up and work hard to get 70%, but I’m determined not to have a repeat of this year. The blog promotion will be achieved by writing regularly and promoting my blog in a way that still contributes to the manosphere, the other 3 will just take some serious band hustle.
Read
- Read 20 books.
I have a reading list I’m burning through, just finished Sex 3.0 and about to start 4 hour body.
Money
- Clear overdraft.
- Reach total savings goal of £10k.
- Earn £50 per hour.
The first 2 will be achieved by taking all the over time I can get my hands on over summer, combined with student finance and careful budgeting. The third will be achieved through the development of passive income businesses, affilate marketing and whatever else I may learn through the year.
Heath
- Be able to do 100 push ups, 100 squats, 100 sit ups and 20 pull ups straight.
- To reach intermediate level 7 on convict conditioning exercises 1 – 4, and level 3 intermediate on 5 and 6.
- Reach a bodyweight of 90kg.
- Have visible abs without tensing.
- Have a resting heart rate of 60bpm or lower.
The first will either be done with those android apps, or by adding a rep each day – I’ll dabble with both until I find something that fits. I’m restarting CC from the beginning. I’ll be experimenting with various diet and supplementation changes to succeed with 3 and 4. Goal 5 will be down to gradually more frequent walks and some form of high intensity cardio once a week, as well as reduced smoking and drinking and a paleo diet.
Sex
- Don’t masturbate.
- Have sex with 12 new girls.
The former requires the maintenance of my current unfenced relationships, the latter requires, to be blunt, going out more.
Write
- Write for 2 hours per day.
This will be achieved by gradually increasing the amount of time devoted to it, and doing it first thing every morning.