Sex 3.0 is a book by JJ Roberts, and has an accompanying website: sexthreepointzero.com.
The book describes how sex has changed throughout human history, starting with sex 1.0 with only unfenced relationships (200000 years ago until 10000 years ago), then leading to sex 2.0 with the invention of agriculture – leading humans to settle in one location rather than being nomadic, which then led to the near death of unfenced relationships and the rise of fenced relationships (10000 years ago until present day). Roberts argues that sex 2.0 is no longer relevant because it goes against what is natural for humans, and because all of it’s benefits have been overridden by social and technological progress.
His proposed way forward is sex 3.0, a model in which people have the choice between fenced and unfenced relationships. The choice isn’t the critical point though, Roberts addresses issues such as jealousy an possessiveness, “relationship duress” (I bet a lot of manospherians suffer from this), as well as evolutionary theory and the conflict of interests between male and female genetic imperatives.
My verdict – everyone should read this book. Not because I think everyone should be in unfenced relationships, but because it changes your mentality about sex and relationships. Roberts highlights people who consistently fail in relationships (ie most people). Whereas a typical game author would tell you to work on your relationship game, Roberts calls the very model of relationships into question. Arguing that most people suffer from “mapping errors” and that a change in mentality will offer better results for most people. I think he is right. Although game guides can get you laid, they don’t normally cover long term sexual fulfilment. This void has been filled by Sex 3.0.
My only criticisms of the book are that there are a few typos, and that the author tends to repeat himself for a bit. I did buy the book when it first came out so these issues may or may not have been addressed in the current edition. I also think that Roberts makes it sound easier to get rid of jealousy and possessiveness than it actually is. I managed, but I’m more emotionally detached from life than most people I know. Either way, read it for the information because it will have a profound impact on the way you view sex and relationships. The book is very well researched and you can tell that Roberts’ knowledge extends far beyond what is included in the book.
I don’t do fenced relationships, and am therefore not capable of cheating or being cheated on. I do however believe that cheating within the framework a fenced relationship is wrong. That said, the only wrong part is the dishonesty; the actual act of having sex with someone else is not morally wrong in and of itself – because humans are not each other’s sexual property.
Whatever, if you know me or read this blog much then you’ll be familiar with my slightly abnormal sense of right and wrong – this is not a philosophical post.
This is a post about how people who get cheated on are, by and large, idiots when it comes to reacting to and dealing with infidelity.
First lets examine the typical reactions of men and women.
She’s a cum guzzling slut for cheating on me, she is clearly psychologically deficient. He is evil for stealing my girl from me.
What does she have that I don’t? I can’t believe he chose her over me. She is a filthy slut for stealing him from me.
Bad vibes all round.
Anger and sadness aside, these typical reactions demonstrate a complete lack of understanding of infidelity, its likelihood and its causes (which differ massively based on gender).
Why do people cheat?
Men are naturally polygamous, women are naturally hypergamous (people who claim to be naturally monogamous should consider the difference between “moral”, “natural” and “normal”). This means that when a man cheats he is fundamentally seeking a new experience.
Men cheat when they have a high enough desire for a new partner*. The desire can be increased by sudden increase in the number of sexual options available, and/or by the woman becoming unattractive or withholding sex.
Yes, women who “punish” their boyfriends by withholding sex are practically asking to be cheated on.
The crucial point, though, is that unless the woman is completely not worth being with, the man will stay with her while his affair continues on the side. This is where the idea of a mistress or concubine originates from.
In contrast, women cheat when they find a better partner than their current one*. Their desire to cheat derives from an increase in the quality of their sexual options, and is further boosted by the man DLVing over the long term.
A woman having an affair is ready to leave her partner. While women and men both can love one (or more) person(s) while sleeping with many – a woman who specifically cheats on her partner, ie commits and act of grave dishonesty and violates the implied sexual ownership of a fenced relationship, no longer loves her partner and is ready to move on.
When men are caught they end the affair – when women are caught they end the relationship.
This difference is the root of people’s dumb reactions to cheating.
As with many things of a sexual nature, people love to project their own thoughts and feelings on to other people.
So how do we solve this? Unfortunately there is no system for it, just the cold hard truth.
If you get cheated on, it means you weren’t good enough. A better man came along, or at least a man who offered something you couldn’t. If you catch her, your relationship is over.
If you get cheated on, it means that you alone cannot fulfil the man’s sexual appetite. This isn’t just frequency of sex, different women are different in bed. Your likelihood of getting cheated on depends on your bedroom skills vs the mans desire for variety. If you catch him your relationship can continue, if you forgive him.
Men & Women
Cheating is a consequence of people’s natural sexual urges, and despite all that I’ve just said – circumstances change. A woman may think a man has higher value than her husband until she sleeps with him, then realising that she should have stuck with her first choice. Similarly a man can overestimate his own desire for variety and realise that his wife was more than enough. Either way, people make mistakes.
Over 30 years of marriage, the likelihood of infidelity by at least one partner tends towards 90%, also people who have cheated on one or more partners are more likely to cheat in general.
Some would say that information like this demonstrates that people need to learn to forgive and forget. Personally I think it shows that the way the majority of people conduct their love lives is flawed, but rather than try a different approach the majority just keep flogging a dead horse in the vain hope that “maturity” will iron out the sexual urges ingrained by millions of years of evolution.
People sometimes call me weird for not minding that my partners have sex with other people (although not all of them do – more evidence for hypergamy vs polygamy theory). The irony is that many of these people have probably been cheated on numerous times without even realising it.
* providing there is mutual interest, good logistics and a low – medium chance of getting caught.
Our culture has lied to you about what constitutes a strong independent woman. Real feminine strength is what our grandmothers had while their husbands were fighting for their country. How many “strong independent women” could handle an emotional burden like that? My guess is very few. I want strong, independent women in my life, but when I say strong and independent I mean:
I want a woman strong enough to resist relationship duress enough to facilitate an unfenced relationship.
I want a woman independent enough to not require the input of her friends for every major decision.
I want a woman strong enough to get her validation from within, not her job, her social status or wealth.
I want a woman independent enough to not narcissistically worry “what she’s done wrong” in the event that I don’t want to hang out.
I want a woman strong enough to lower her bitch shield and be honest, open and vulnerable. Someone brave enough to bring the walls down.
I want a woman independent enough to have actual, constructive hobbies. Shopping does not count as a hobby.
I want a woman strong enough to always make the effort to look feminine and sexy, even if she isn’t feeling up to it.
I want a woman independent enough to not require constant external validation from facebook, texting and other social media.
I want a woman strong enough to put up with sexist humour, emotional roller coasters and rough sex (that’s how most of my relationships with women are).
This is not the same as the “Strong Independent Woman(tm)” promoted to us by Sex in the City, Cosmo and various other manifestations of societal decay. Being a catty, neurotic, shallow bitch who acts like a man but with a vagina is not strength, it’s cowardice. Taking shelter in a fortress of asocial and unnatural behaviour is a defence mechanism for people without the strength to present themselves as they truly are. Climbing the corporate ladder doesn’t take strength, it takes manipulation, ass kissing and sociopathy. Having an emotionless, sex only love life is nothing but a sign of a lack of willingness/ability to connect with the opposite sex. Overcoming this takes strength, as does letting go of any jealousy about your partners other lovers.
Of course you’ll never read this in Cosmo, because to them strength is neurotic, self absorbed validation seeking. The result is a lot of lonely, deluded women and a lot of sexually frustrated men. It’s lose – lose.
You recently ran this article about MRAs. I would like to applaud and congratulate you for not making them look like a bunch of evil misogynist rapists. Well done.
I am not an MRA as such, I do however sympathise with a lot of their issues. To this end I feel the need to point something out to you.
You repeatedly refer to the gender pay gap, citing that women earn less than men in all sectors, and that the only time women earn more is if you restrict the age range to 22-29. These figures are based on yearly salary.
I’m not writing to argue, I just suggest that you take the average yearly salary for men and for women, and divide it by the average amount of hours worked per week by the respective genders.
Then you’ll see the real pay gap.
Happy shame the beta month.
I’ve decided to join in on Mentu and Ashur’s fun by detailing my own journey of relative betatude, and how that compares to now. I don’t identify as an Alpha, so I’m going to talk about how I became what I call a Sigma instead.
This could be a cool tattoo.
Once upon a time, I was 13 years old. This was when I got my first proper girlfriend. We never had sex, although recently we caught up and I have now finally slept with her. She has actually read this blog and is coming to visit again this weekend.
Even at this tender age I was quite the narcissist, but as far as I knew there was a correct way to act around women. This was to supplicate and cuddle your way into their vaginas. My one saving grace was that I was persistent because I was horny as shit (high T levels + being 13 = lethal). Between my 13th birthday and the age of about 14 and a half, I had a string of typically teenage relationships: lots of fooling around but no sex, starting out feeling cool and being nice, ending up jealous and needy. I emphasise that at this age I acted that way because I thought I was supposed to – I was not acting through my own intentions. However, nearly 6 years later I found out that I had unknowingly “played girls off” against their friends. Pimp in the making? Probably not. Deez bitches be over analysing my shit.
Over time, the learned nice guy behaviours became internalised. I actually became nicer. At the age of 14 and a half, things really changed. I met a girl on a school trip to Italy (romantic init). I liked this girl a lot and fell pretty quickly. I was still a nice guy, but I had one saving grace – I still had strong personal boundaries. I think this came from my argumentative personality and getting my fair share of shit in school.
I was 14 (and a half) when we started going out. We were together for 3 years and 8 months.
I became a massive beta over this time. She was a headstrong “independent” girl who, although she was nice, spent a lot of time telling me how I should act and feel. The worst part was that I listened. I lost my virginity to that girl, so I felt like I was invested and should listen to her. She was also a year older than me so I thought she knew her shit.
Then she called a break, because I got too needy. I thought “fuck this I’m gonna chase other girls”. She didn’t like that, and we ended up back together after a week. Relationship continues as normal, but she’s now more jealous and I feel a bit more independent.
I was in 2 bands over this time. The second band was better so girls liked us more – this lead to more jealousy.
Fast forward to me being 17. She left for university and we decided to try and “make it work”. I don’t know if she cheated, but I can’t really blame her if she did. I got needy quickly. We broke up a second time, for a month. In this time I started smoking weed and became friends with Wolf, who is a textbook example of a natural Alpha. He had just dumped his ltgf because he got sick of her shit. What followed was this – he went on a fucking spree, I didn’t get laid at all.
So I got back with her AGAIN.
But she was now worried I’d “try to be” wolf. Trying to be someone is silly, but seeing a friend get laid easily is still pretty inspiring.
Then I started reading Roissy and Roosh. Shit went down.
Over a few months I came to dominate the relationship. Suddenly she was reacting to me and telling me she loved me all the time. Suddenly she was ringing me from uni to tell me she missed me, when it used to be the other way round. I was cool with her. When I turned 18 (UK drinking age for you americans), Wolf wished me happy birthday on facebook, adding “ladies, lock up your daughters, Dulst is out”. I thought it was hilarious, my girl got pretty upset.
The relationship continued and we went on holiday together, I really enjoyed this. It was a nice chill time we had in Turkey and I look back and smile – though I have no doubt that I enjoyed it because for the first time in my life I had hand in the relationship. After the holiday I went clubbing a lot and realised I wanted to get with other girls. Things went downhill from here. She realised and tried everything to keep me. Including shouting “fuck you, I could get with anyone here if I wanted!” in a club. I walked out on that and she chased.
Things slid downhill further, and I dumped her ass.
Then I went to Amsterdam. This is like August 2011, not the more recent trip. I may or may not have fucked a hooker, and I definitely had a one night stand with a slightly embarrassing girl. My friends laughed at me and mocked me, but I didn’t care – it confirmed that I didn’t need my ex to get laid. Between that ONS in mid August and going to uni at the end of September, I slept with two more girls, including a virgin. I also began fooling around with a girl I had known a long time. She was a virgin also, but not as up for sleeping with me.
I slept with two girls in my first week of uni, ending up with both as FWBs. One got a proper boyfriend after 3 weeks, I’m still sleeping with the other. Between then and now I slept with those two, the virgin I’d known a long time, a girl from my class, another ONS and the ex from when I was 13. Those aren’t Casanova numbers, but it suits me. My course load isn’t conducive to going out all the time (and I’m more responsible than this guy was).
Between Amsterdam #1 and going to uni, I learned the skills. Between starting uni and now I built the core. I’ve written a lot about sleeping with girls, but in terms of self improvement sex doesn’t mean much. I’m proud of it, but I’m more proud of the fact that at a relatively young age I changed in 4 fundamental ways.
I predict that most of the journey to Alpha posts about to come out this month will, when distilled, be based on those four things. Now I’ve reached this point, sex is easy – and no longer important. It’s like food and water – you only think about it in times of lack. Whereas in September pussy used to be my sole focus, now my drive goes into uni, my band and my blog. My casual sexual relationships are a fun distraction – just like my other hobby, cooking.
Moral of the story? There isn’t one, but a bit of reflection is fun. The only problem is that the more I write the more I wonder if I’m slightly sociopathic.
Yep. As it turns out, there’s a lot of incorrect conventional wisdom about how we wash ourselves. The following post is a short list of red pill hygiene ideas I’ve picked up over the last few months.
The first two are from this Jezebel Article.
Brushing your teeth
Studies show that flossing is much more important than brushing. Dental floss actually removes the bacteria that clump together between your teeth, without scrubbing and stripping layers off them.
But before you run to your dentist and smugly assert that Cracked told you that brushing is bad for you, brushing twice a day is generally still believed to be the best practice. But you should do it away from mealtimes to give your teeth time to recover from acid wear — ideally, right before you eat or drink anything. And although you might instinctively prefer a hard toothbrush to really grind off those asshole bacteria, studies suggest you should use a soft brush and focus on your gums more than your actual teeth. So it’s really more of a tooth massage.
The most important thing to do to keep the skin healthy is to preserve the horny layer. There’s no magic number of showers each week, though it’s generally agreed that the number would fall somewhat shy of seven. Skipping showers, or, if you’d like a fancy French term, celebrating sans douche days, gives your skin time to repair some of the damage that the last shower caused.
When you shower, use warm or cool water and a mild soap (if at all), and rehydrate the horny layer by rubbing on some moisturizer afterward. Better yet, convince an attractive friend to help with this. Once you’ve cleaned up, you’ll want to make sure you air dry. Ignore protesting roommates or family members and remind them, as you’re drip-drying at the breakfast table, that they should be grateful you’re showering only a couple of times a week.
Drip drying, however, is a pain in the ass. Towel drying is fine, but try to dab the water off rather than rubbing it off. This is much better for your skin and I have noticed I get spots far less frequently since adopting this practice.
Baking, fucking, soda. (In the UK we call it bicarbonate of soda. Do NOT confuse with baking powder). You know all the manosphere hype about how great baking soda is? It’s true. The cool thing is it doesn’t even work the same way normal antiperspirants do. Blue pill antiperspirants work by clogging your sweat pores with silver or aluminium, then mask the smell (which comes from bacteria, not sweat) with some kind of fragrance. Baking soda, by contrast, allows you to sweat. However, the soda absorbs the sweat. It also absorbs the odour and is naturally antibacterial.
It’s cheaper than the normal stuff, and leaves your smell as a blank canvas that you can change with body sprays or cologne.
I heard over at the forum that you can make your own shower gels, toothpastes and shampoos by combining baking soda with bauxite, among other things. This sounds cool and I might try it, but I don’t wanna turn my shared kitchen or bathroom into a fucking lab. I like my flatmates too much for that. A common blue pill product buying mantra seems to be “nuke the fuck out of my body”. People scrub themselves raw with harsh chemicals only to see limited results. My advice is to go gently. If you live like a caveman you probably already beat the shit out of your body – give it a break! I like to stick to natural products and avoid harsh or over perfumed ones. Easy really. The one exception to the smell is my awesome mint shower gel – but this is compensated by the fact it’s made of actual mint leaves. Also don’t use tons of product, just use enough. Conserving it saves money and, once your body acclimatises, gives better results.
Brands I like: Original Source, Head and Shoulders, Bulldog, Simple, Freederm, Pears.
The last one is the absolute shit and is also manly as fuck.
P.S. Exams are starting soon, so posts will be less frequent (and judging by the last 2 days views of poorer quality). I’ll still be posting as often as I can.
The blue pill is incorrect conventional wisdom. Not all CW is bullshit (don’t jump in front of a bus, for example), but a sizeable chunk is. The red pill is the correct alternative to the bullshit parts of conventional wisdom.
Examples of the red pill:
The problem with the red pill is that when you try and share your newly acquired knowledge with blue pill friends, you get shot down and ridiculed. For example, young men my age (19) often think I’m silly for not wanting to get married. These guys are the generation that was fucked up by the divorces of the prior generation, yet they still think it’s the “right thing to do”.
They love their comforting blue pill to much, and there really is nothing I nor anyone else can do about it.
So don’t worry.
Make your info a treat offered only to those ready to accept it. I’m not even talking about people who ask here, I’m talking about people who are ready to shed a significant amount of conventional wisdom.
People who know me and know about my blog have asked me about girls before, only to recoil at my advice. Those people clearly aren’t ready. The people who ask privately in a non social setting are. The people that read this blog and agree are.
That’s the good thing about blogs, people can analyse your point without being emotionally invested in winning an argument.
When people ask me about girls now, I’ll just say “be cool” or something equally true-but-not-useful-unless-you-know-what-you’re-doing.
Knowledge is power, hide it well.